Thank you

I have not been sleeping more than 2 hours each time for the past 20 days. The 3 hourly feed has become part of my routine. And I wake up automatically if my little girl has not started making noise. 

It's a tough phase but I'll get through it. I'm grateful for the hubby, who has been a great husband and father. When our little girl screams and cry non stop in the middle of the night, and I am too sickly tired to move, the hubby will take charge and settle her. I'm a lucky wife. If not, I would have already fallen sick with this little rest. 

Thank you hubby. And I'm sorry for my crankiness. 

Growing up fast

My little girl grows up way too fast. She was just a tiny baby when born, and now she kicks and pushes hard. My arms are aching too. Happy that she's growing up well, though she looks different everyday. 

XOXO

Jaundice

My little girl has been diagnosed with jaundice on her 4th day of life, when we went to the polyclinic for review/checkup. The doctor ordered for an immediate admission to the hospital as to the jaundice level was high. It was not high to the dangerous level, but high enough to be admitted. Sighs.

Poor little girl has to stay in the hospital for 48hours. We were hopeful that she would be able to discharge after 24hours of phototheraphy, but the jaundice level was still too high. It was the first time she was away from us for so long. Even though it was a great opportunity to rest, I was feeling very down and missed her alot.

Luckily the feeling only lasted a day and I was glad that she was able to be discharged the next day. After which, we visited the polyclinic quite often. Once every 2-3 days for the past 2 weeks. It was quite a toll on me as I was still recovering (I'm supposed to be doing my confinement, resting at home, avoiding the wind and rain). And my poor little girl has to do blood test every visit. Her little feet has been poked so many times. Sigh. Heartache.

Till now, on her 18 days of life, she still has jaundice. Yesterday's visit to the polyclinic gave us an index of 201. Doc says the index is going down, but very slowly. And the test results showed that it is due to breastmilk jaundice. Sigh... I know it is normal and common, but I could not help but feel that it is my fault, since I'm the one producing her meals.

That short amount of time under the phototheraphy caused my little baby girl to be so tanned. She looks even darker than her Daddy, can you believe it? Oh my. Hopefully she can revert back to her original skin color soon (which is Daddy's skin color).

I just hope she recover soon. I'm tired of going to the polyclinic so frequently.

What is jaundice?

Jaundice is a condition that causes a yellowish discoloration of the skin and the whites of the eyes. If you press your finger against the nose or chest of a fair-skinned baby with jaundice, you can see this yellow tinge. If your baby has dark skin, you can see the yellowness in the whites of the eyes or in the gums. The most common type of jaundice develops on the second or third day of life — about when the baby is being discharged from the hospital — which is why it's important to know about it and keep an eye out for it. Most of these cases, called physiologic jaundice, disappear on their own in two weeks.

What causes jaundice?

A newborn has more red blood cells than her body needs, and often, when a baby's immature liver can't process them quickly enough, a yellow pigment called bilirubin (a byproduct of the red blood cells) builds up in the blood. Much of this bilirubin leaves the body in the baby's stool, but about half of babies develop some degree of jaundice during the first two weeks of life. Preemies and babies with genetic diseases or infections are especially vulnerable. Some breastfeeding babies develop jaundice if they don't get enough breast milk, because the bilirubin isn't able to exit the body through body waste. Breastfeeding jaundice usually shows up in the first two weeks of life. When jaundice is detected within the first 24 hours, it may be due to a blood-group incompatibility with the mother (the mother is Rh-negative and the baby is Rh-positive), infection, or an underlying liver problem.

Should I worry?

Most newborn cases of jaundice are harmless and require no treatment. The doctor may order blood tests to measure your baby's bilirubin levels, which usually involve taking a small amount of blood from your baby's heel. In moderate cases of jaundice, the doctor may prescribe phototherapy (light therapy), which involves placing the baby naked under special blue lights that help her body break down the bilirubin so that it can be excreted. This can be done in the hospital or at home with a portable unit. A special kind of fiber-optic blanket, called a bili blanket, has a similar effect. In addition to phototherapy, it's important to keep your baby well hydrated and to identify and treat any underlying medical issues. Your doctor may recommend breastfeeding more often or supplementing with formula to give your baby more fluids and help her pass more bilirubin in her stools. The goal of treatment is to lower the bilirubin level to prevent the buildup of toxic levels in the baby's brain (a disease called kernicterus). With monitoring and treatment, the risk of kernicterus or other complications drops to almost none.

Source from: http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-1-week-old_1131.bc?responsys_count=0&scid=mbtw_post1w&pe=MlVEWGRPa3wyMDE0MTAyMA..

The numbers on my weighing scale

For my whole pregnancy, I've only gained about 7.5kg. Most of the weight is gained at the third trimester. And during the first trimester, I had lost 4kg due to morning sickness, but that weight was easily gained back from week 20 onwards, after the morning sickness was gone. 

I had read that the bump I carried can easily weight 10- 12kg, which is the weight one is suppose to put on healithy. The additional weight consist of the LO (of course), the placenta, amniotic fluid, blood and so on. 

At one point I was worried that my weight gain is not in the healthy zone. But luckily everything was alright. 

After I delivered and discharged, I got on the weighing scale and wow, I am back to my pre pregnancy weight on the third day. 

And now, 16 days after delivery, 13 days of sinful fattish confinement food and 2 days of post natal massage, I've lost 4 kg (7.5 + 4 in total from pregnancy) from my pre pregnancy weight. Woohoo.. Amazing. I wonder what will be my weight at the end of the first month. My tummy is still flabby, but it looks better after the massage and wrapping. 

I did not expect to lose weight after I've delivered. At most, it is back to my pre pregnancy weight. This is a gift from my LO. 

XOXO

I have been promoted =D

We welcomed our LO on 10th October 2014 at 4pm. She's a cute little one. Hearts.

XOXO

Read more about my pregnancy and future posts on darling Josie on the dainty mummy blog.

Psst... I was too tired the first week plus to do anything besides my duty. I think I will be just as busy adapting. Hence, pardon my lack of blog posts. For now.. Good night.. (though it's only 12 in the afternoon).

The big day. Welcoming dear Josie

After 39weeks and 4days, our LO finally arrived in our arms. A long wait indeed. But everything is worth it. She's our darling baby girl, Josie.

And I am finally blogging after a week from the big day. Lots to do, lots to learn.. I'll update more when I get the time after getting some rest in between. I guess updates will be slow though :P

At 39weeks and 2days, we went for our checkup due to LO's weight gain (est 3kg at wk37) and suspected of low amniotic fluid index due to my weight loss. And LO's new est weight is 3.6kg.

Our gynae, Dr CK Khoo, after a long wait to see him, isussed my admittance letter for induced delivery at 2am the next day as he was worried that our LO will be too big for natural delivery. That is like, another 5 hours right after seeing him. Woo.. I can feel the nerves. Excited, scared and nervous.

After admission, we spent about 2-3 hours in the delivery suite for the first prostin insertion, and we were sent up to our ward/room. I was still zero cm dilated. Hubby decided to checked me into Class A ward, so that we do not need to share the ward. The ward looks like a mini hotel room. Our mini staycation to welcome our LO. 

Dr had instructed for another prostin to be inserted at 10am. And by 11am, I started having contractions. Tolerable but still not yet dilated. At 1630, I find that the contractions were too painful. So I had pethidine injected to my thigh. Lucky for me, I finally dilated. 2cm at 1930 and 4cm at 2200. 

I had my epidural done at 0130. It was too painful to endure the contractions without any pain relief. The doc who administered the epi was very interesting. Hubby and I both liked him and his honesty. 

At 0140, I started bleeding, which is normal and I thought I was finally progressing. But the next check at 0800, i was only 3cm dilated. It can close back?? Dr had ordered oxytocin, a liquid drug to be administered by IV tube to increase contractions, to start at 1000.

My gynae finally came to see me at 1030. And after his check, I was 5cm dilated. I'm so happy. I'm tired of being disappointed after waiting for so long. Then at around 1330, nurse checked that I was 9cm dilated. Yay!!! She gauged that I would be ready by 1430. But guess not.

My third dose of epidural has to run out just before labour. And I can feel the intense pain. Omg!! I rejected the use of the laughing gas but mid way, after being rude and cranky to the nurses and hubby for a while, I had begged to use the gas. Or anything to relief the pain and discomfort. Well, whatever they show ob TV is not that dramatic. I was like a mad woman.

I had a hard time holding it and not push when my LO was crowning, or near it, I'm not too sure. It was just unbearable and I just have to push. Finally my gynae cane after rushing over from another csect delivery. I was so glas he finally showed up. With his one punch and my final push, our 10 months of effort is born. But I was not really feeling that yet as I can still feel lots of blood and the placenta waiting to be delivered. It was only after everything was out, I felt a sense of relief, then happiness when I heard my daughter's cry. My daughter was born on 10 October 2014 at 4+pm, weighing about 3.4kg.

It wasn't for long as right after that, doc was trying to stitch me up. But as my epi was long gone, I was in pain. Doc asked me to get my relief from the gas. Numbing, if I can keep my mind away from anticipating when is the next stitch. Ouch.

When everything was done, we took a photo with the doc, did skin to skin and waited for the nurse to settle the paper work and clean me. Finally we can go back to the ward at 7plus. Oh I puked green liquid. I wonder if it's from the epidural or laughing gas.

The world spinned with stars and I almost fainted while getting myself off the bed to the wheelchair. It was uncomfortable. Guess that's the result from losing so much blood. I was exhausted, super giddy and ... very exhausted... I could not care much about anything at that time and simply wished to rest. 

Anyway, I was expected to pee but I prefer to go to the toilet and I blacked out. Scared my hubby. And maybe that's why that nurse whom was suppose to take care of me when I fainted, keep giving me the black face whenever I asked for help for anything. Sighs.

My family came a while that night to see our daughter. Everyone seems really happy to see her.

Now our new worries is her growing up strong and healthy, physically and mentally. Our new stage in life.

Pregnancy by the week

Here's the breakdown of my pregnancy by the week. Morning sickness, swelling, insomnia, they are all part of the pregnancy. Back ache starts as early as in the first trimester and lasts all the way through.

Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

W 6:	Morning Sickness, Headache, Nausea started.
W 16:	Morning Sickness subsided.
W 20:	Detailed ultra scan. LO was very shy, had difficulty seeing her heart and nose. Took us 4 hours at the centre and overdued for the Doc's appointment.
W 22:	Swelling feet and spider nerves started.
W 23:	Heat Rash started. LO started moving in the bump.
W 24:	Bumps slowly infected my body all over for two weeks. From underarms, elbow fold, knee fold, thighs, belly, lower abdomen, hips.
W 26:	Insomnia. Wake every two hours and only able to sleep after 4am.
W 27:	Rash and itchy bumps subsided.
W 29:	Insomnia worsened. And I wake every half to one hour. Once I managed to fall asleep only after 4am.
W 30:	Stretch marks start to show. LO weighs 1.608kg at 30w2d. Doc banned me from ice cream, durians, burgers and anything fastfood. He's worried that LO will be too big for V delivery
W 31:	Insomnia got better, Waking up only once around 4.30am
W 32:	Middle fingers on both hands start to lock up. Wake up with locked and painful fingers. Fatigue got really bad, very easily tired.
W 33:	Experienced LO's hiccups. Having difficulty breathing as LO starts pressing on the rib area. LO learns to protest when I accidentally placed the iPad on the top of the tummy.
W 34:	Insomnia came back. Painful ankles, finger joints, wrists and frequent toilet trips keep waking me up. Sometimes I can fall back asleep immediately, sometimes, it may take me hours to fall asleep.
W 35:	Experienced Braxton Hicks. I assume that's what it is. Tightened belly and I can feel LO body parts protruding out. Not painful, just alittle freaked out whenever that happens. It is like am I hurting my LO? I had heartburn for the first time, and it was terrible. I was unable to sleep. Doc says LO is growing well, and so am I. LO is about 2.68kg.
W 36:	I wake up in the middle of the night sweating big buckets, even though the air conditioning was on. And the frequency to the toilet increased. Bad aching feeling at the joints.
W 37:	Lots of contractions-alike-feeling. Tightening of bump Doc mentioned that my weight loss maybe due to the lessening of water and he's worried. So I will be seeing him again on the 39th week. LO is about 3kg. Wake up every half to 1 hour from breathlessness or bump tightening or the urge to go to the toilet Bad aching feeling at the joints
W 38:	At 38w3d, I had my first real contraction. It really felt like bad menstrual cramps, with LO pushing all the weight down to the bottom and stabbing pain at the bottom. Waking up nightly about every 2 hours from the urge to go toilet. I would wake up feeling extremely hot and bump feeling very tight, with the "head" pushing up to the surface. Some leg cramps while walking. Felt at the back of the thigh. Cravings for food happens right after dinner time >.< All those unnecessary weight gained.
W 39:	At 39w2d, we went for my doc appointment. And we were given a surprise. I have to admit into the hospital in another 5 hours. 12 midnight. Feeling nervous yet excited.

天真无邪

发现... 好难和天真无邪的人沟通啊~ 可能自己太邪恶了，非常不能理解他们的单纯想法。在这么一个现实的社会里，天真是会吃亏的。来不及意识到危机或想法就只限制在那小小的空间里。可就因为这份天真无邪，他们才不会觉得现实是那么的残酷吧。

我也希望自己能那么的天真，那么的无邪。复杂的想法、人与人之间的关系，太难了解了。实在是太累人了。

Image from unsplash.com

I would not mind a "restart" from this complicated environment.

Hazy Monday

Today is a stinky, hazy Monday. Sighs. The psi at 3pm hit 125, 132 at 4pm and it stinks really badly even though I am indoors. 

The hubby even carried over the air purifier that we bought for our LO for me to get fresher air now. 

Take care everyone. Try not to be outdoors when the haze is this bad. It is especially bad for mummies-to-be and the little ones. 

Exactly 39weeks today.

Hazy day

Today is a Public Holiday. And it is a stinky, hazy Monday. Sighs. The psi at 3pm hit 125, 132 at 4pm and it stinks really badly even though I am indoors. 

Take care everyone. Try not to be outdoors when the haze is this bad. 

There goes the date in the park for our boy. Sad. 

Activation for supper

This is the first time I actually activated the hubby to get me supper. Or rather he activated himself. And we were already ready to sleep. I was rubbing my tummy from hunger pangs and he volunteered to get me supper, throwing me lots of choices. End up, I wanted McD's fries. Ahh... Supper at this timing. I have got to be joking... Adding unnecessary weight in the final week. Sigh... 

39 weeks now... I wonder when...

A public holiday tomorrow

It is a public holiday tomorrow! Yippie! I always feel very happy when it is a Friday, and even more so when there is a public holiday on a weekday.

Today is Sunday and I did not do much stuff. Just wasting off another day at home. Intended to bring the boy out to run in the park, but the plan got postponed till tomorrow due to the dark sky in the evening. Hopefully the weather permits us to do so tomorrow. Excited for the boy. I believe he will be very happy.

Image from unsplash.com

10 days to go

Just another 10 days to 40 weeks. 10 days is neither short nor long. The anticipation is so hard to endure, especially after seeing so many mummies in the October group popping one after another (LOL most of the babies ended up to be September babies).

No SEO backlinks please

Lately, I have been getting comments by this one reader, whose comments a wee 5% on my post and a huge 95% on her seo and advertising. It is pretty annoying. I welcome your comments on my posts, but please do your seo and advertising elsewhere. I will only be deleting them whenever you post things like this.

It is a role. Not a job.

There are mummies who thinks that staying at home and looking after their children 24/7 as a job. And as time goes by, they feel that working as a mummy is tiring with no leave, no off, no holidays, no weekends and no me time. And even when there is a holiday, it's just another day with the children.

I am not yet a mummy. But I had tried very hard to finally be able to become a mummy. Finally having a child of our own, we feel elated, and we look forward to being a new daddy and mummy. Hence I do not wish to fall into that school of thought. Our child came with hard earned effort, and it is not just some project that we have to submit. And not forgetting that, a public holiday to me means more family time with the working daddy. 

Being a mummy is a role in my life, like being a filial daughter and a virture wife. It is definitely not a job. We can change jobs whenever we want. But if we treat being a mother is a job, won't that make life difficult for ourselves? 

And of course, daddy plays a very important role. If there is no support from the daddy to the mummy, the mummy will just feel depressed. Why are we mummies trying so hard to be there for our children and yet the daddies just come home from work each day, play with the children, then off to do their own stuff and rest? Daddies have to try to help out in some way or another. Even small little things matter. Daddies have to learn to take care of their children by themselves too. Being too reliant on the mummies doesn't give daddies the real joy of being a dad. It's all about being patient and getting used to it. Which child doesn't cry, make a fuss, throw temper? Adults do that too. 

I am just glad that I have a really good hubby, who is supportive and we have the same set of thinking when it comes to children's education. And I am glad to be born by my parents as I am being brought up in an environment that attributes to my thinking and sense of responsibility. 

I hope this thought doesn't change as I progresses to be a full time mummy, especially with my short temper and lack of patience. I love my new upcoming role. I look forward to it.  

11 days to week 40.