Harsh critics everywhere

It's tough being a mother. 

I'm a stay at home mother, means 24/7 I'm with my baby. Everything and anything is done with my baby along. Not that I'm complaining. I love every minute with my baby, good and not so good moments. 

I was told by some (family and friends) that some methods I do are not so ideal. 

1. Breastfeeding

Beastfeeding my baby makes her clingey to me. 

Sorry. I only wants to give her the best. And if I can still provide her, why not. Doesn't matter if she's clingey anot. How many more years will I have her all to myself before she doesn't want mummy and wants to hang out with her friends. 

At 6 months, my breastmilk is diminishing and I should supplement with formula milk. 

Really? You made this comment when you didn't even ask me how much I feed her or you've seen her starving. I'm sure you can see how well she's growing then and now. She has always been on the 97 percentile in weight. And even though my breasts have always been small size from pre to post pregnancy, that doesn't mean that my supply is diminishing. Right?

Formula milk is better when baby is 6 months and older. 

No comments. I just want to breastfeed her till she weaned by herself. And it is free yet rich in all the antibodies and nutrients that formula milk marketed to provide. 

Give formula milk at night to make her feel fuller so that she sleeps through the nigh. 

Before every sleep, she does drink alot of breastmilk. So she is already full. Her stomach is only that big. And there are studies circulating on social media platforms showing the differences between babies and adults in terms of sleep. It's my bad that she latches to sleep and for comfort only because she needs comfort. Not because she is hungry. It's bad because I can't rest well. That's all. It's my responsibility to give her what she needs. No?

2. Babywearing

Babywearing makes baby clingey to me. Don't always wear her. 

Yet another comment about clingey. She is a baby. And she craves for comfort. And I want to give her that comfort. What's wrong with that?

Babywearing will make baby addicted to being carried. 

She's a baby. Who doesn't carry a baby? Which baby doesn't like to be carried? And she's not addicted. She knows that she feels safe in my carrier or wrap. She feels safe even when my hubs babywear her. 

Baby is so hot in there. 

Baby is not complaining. She should be ok. 

Don't babywear baby to sleep. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures. 'Nuff said. 

And to top it off. Babywearing is safer than hand carrying especially when baby starts to struggle. And it eases the tiredness on our arms. And it's handsfree. I can carry stuff or do things with my hands. And how long more can I carry her before she doesn't want me to carry her as she can walk and run. 

3. Crying

Don't let baby keep crying (3mins maybe?). Quickly carry her. 

But you said to not carry her so much else it will be a bad habit. 

Don't carry her immediately when she cry. It's ok to let her cry abit, else it will be a bad habit.

Erm. Yah. See above point. 

4. Baby led weaning (BLW)

Don't give her solid food. Give her purees/porridge. 

But it defeats the purpose of blw right?

What if she chokes?

You do mean gagging right? Doesn't babies learn how to swallow food with abit of gagging? This too happens with spoonfeeding right? 

Better give her soft food first. 

(Give up) Ok.. Will do. When I'm unsuccessful at BLW. 

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It's a roti prata world out there. No matter what I say or do, there will still be comments from the opposite side. I am unable to satisfy everyone. I wish to learn and bring up my baby my own way. If I need help, I will ask. Try not to force your methods onto me. You and I are different. Your child(ren) and my baby are different. 

And don't judge me. That hurts me. It makes me feel that I fail as a mother. That I am unable to provide the love and care for my baby. You don't know how much I went through, how much I love my baby and how much I'm willing to go for her. So please... Don't judge. 

Nemesis: The Bottle

Today is another heart breaking day. She was crying real hard just now. Yep. We bullied her. Bottle is really her nemesis.

Last month we managed to coax her to drinking from the bottle. Of course it was heartbreaking to see and hear her cry so badly. But we managed it after a while of changing the bottle from avent to nuk latex teat. 

Then I had to come down with matitis. My supply dropped to the pits. And to increase my supply, direct latching is a must. 

And hence... Today's heartbreaking episode. Sobs. 

Sorry darling. It's mummy's fault. Sorry that you had to cry so hard and long, till your eyes and eyebrows were so red. Mummy feels so heartbroken to see you in that state. But we have no choice. You have to get used to bottle feeding for emergencies. It's just once a day. Jiayou darling. Mummy loves you lots. 

3 Months 18 Days

Baby is 3 months 18 day old today. Her weight gain is slowly down. Still gaining, but not as turbo speed as the past three months. She is eating well and I am glad to be recovered from the infection though my supply is not as much as before I got sick.

Reading though my mail and find it true from this read (http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-3-month-old-week-3_1495329.bc). I'm sorry to my friends, especially when I feel I need to be there by your side when incidents happen. I no longer am able to meet up as adhoc as I was previously. And I have to be home when it's her bedtime. Her nap times are important too, else she will be one cranky baby for the rest of the day.

Your life: Changing friendships 

Having a new baby brings changes in your relationships with everyone — including your friends. Sometimes old friends who have no children are as delighted by your baby as you are, and aside from a few accommodations to your schedule, things continue as they once did. But others may not be as excited about your new phase of life. Some may be envious, others bored, and still others may simply have no interest in children. You can't blame your friends entirely. You're changing, too. Interests you once shared with certain people — skydiving, nightclubbing, shopping for shoes till you dropped — may no longer mesh with your lifestyle. 

Although you can't expect everything to stay exactly the same, it helps to strive for a balance between your old way of being together and your new situation. Your friend can't expect you to abandon all thoughts of your baby, and you can't expect her to want to talk only about motherhood. Look for common ground in your activities and time together. It's great if you can sometimes go out to lunch, just the two of you, and other times have her come to your house to visit with the baby, for example. 

You may drift apart from some pals, but at the same time, your baby will bring you into the orbit of new friends. Through playgroups, mom support networks, and chance encounters, you and your partner will meet other new parents with whom you have a lot in common.

Recently some of my friends babies contracted HFMD. It is a truly scary virus. Babies suffer so much from the pain it brought. Parents suffer when they see how much pain their babies are going through yet they cannot do much to help their babies. I feel their (babies and parents) pain when their situations were shared. For me, I am willing to be the one going through the pain and not my baby.

Dear baby, please be safe, strong and healthy. Mummy loves you.

Lucky mummy

I am very lucky to have such supportive family members.

Yesterday we celebrated my brother's birthday. I offered my carrier to them, asking if anyone wants to babywear the LO. My dad volunteered asap. I think my brother wanted too. Happy that they are into babywearing too. Next time I will introduce wrapping to them. One step at a time. 

And while having our desserts, LO got hungry. I nip her on the spot with the Ergobaby carrier. Nobody said anything and we carried on with desserts. My mom even helped cover me with LO's blankie (which wasn't really necessary). 

I had read about mummies facing negative remarks and thoughts from their family members on the online support group. I'm really glad and happy my family is very open to these. 

Of course my hubby is one very important person too. He babywears LO. Shares my pain when I had cracked and sore nipples initially. Offers to bottle feed ebm to LO (for the 'once a day to get LO used to bottle' stage). And he even lets me buy our Autumn when we already have an Ergo. 

I love them. I'm one lucky mummy. 

Happy 2015

Happy New Year! My first post in 2015. 

It has been an eventful 2014 and hopefully 2015 will be a great one for all of us! 

Photo is taken in Raffles City Shopping Centre Nursing Room Level 3

Low level apartment

Random...

When you have a baby, it is quite irritating to be staying so low level (6th floor and below) or have a carpark directly below. 

The loud revving engine of a motorcycle for more than a minute wakes a sleeping baby. Worse is, if you have just painfully just put the baby to sleep. The horning of cars for a wedding gatecrash scares a baby awake from her sleep. 

Congrats (heartfelt congrats and not being sarcastic) to the wedding couple whose gatecrashing is happening downstairs. 

Here's my sunshine when she's not grumpy. 

End of my 28 days confinement

Finally ended my 28 days of confinement with no confinement lady, just 13 days of day time help from my lovely mummy. And throughout the whole confinement, I did not strictly do or not do what I am supposed to.

Staying home and rest

New mummies are tired and weak from the labour and loss of blood (scarily ALOT), hence they have to confine at home to rest. However, I do not have such benefit. Baby has jaundice and I had been going out so very often since day 4. To the polyclinic and to the hospital. She's still has jaundice even till now. Going back for another blood test this coming Monday. 

No showering/washing hair

Showering and washing of hair is said to cause wind in the body. I showered and washed my hair everyday since day 2. I was too weak and giddy on day 1, if not, I would have showered. I was so hot, sticky and stinky especially after all the heaty confinement meals. And I only started showering with the herbs (大风艾) from week 2. Oops. 

No drinking of water

Water causes water retention from pregnancy to remain in the boody. But I had medication and supplements to eat. So I had to swallow with water. Just that. I only drink herbal soups, red date drinks, milo and holick for fluid intake. 

No direct blowing from fans

Another reason for causing wind in the body, For the whole month, the aircon was on (Ouch..the bill is going to be very scary). And sometimes it wasn't cool enough. Hence the fan. Oops. And the living room is without aircon, so when I have my heaty confinement meals, the fan is sometimes turned on. Even so, I would still sweat like nobody's business. 

No touching of water

Everytime after I change my girl's diaper, after meals, after using the toilet, after touching Latte (our Japanese Spitz), I have to wash my hands. I have to touch water to bathe my girl too. Oh and washing the pump and sterilizing needs water. Some mentioned to try to use hot water for washing of hands, but our tap does not have hot water outlet for washing hands. 

Everything Ginger

To the Chinese, ginger is good for expelling wind in the body. Almost every dish in the confinement meals has ginger in it. But after knowing LO has jaundice, I picked out the ginger slices in the dishes. I doubt there is much help by doing that since all the dishes has been ginger-fied. 

My last confinement meal from Rich Food Confinement

I hope that even though I skipped alot of these Chinese old wives tales, my body will somehow not be weak as nagged by the elders. Good luck to me.

It is a role. Not a job.

There are mummies who thinks that staying at home and looking after their children 24/7 as a job. And as time goes by, they feel that working as a mummy is tiring with no leave, no off, no holidays, no weekends and no me time. And even when there is a holiday, it's just another day with the children.

I am not yet a mummy. But I had tried very hard to finally be able to become a mummy. Finally having a child of our own, we feel elated, and we look forward to being a new daddy and mummy. Hence I do not wish to fall into that school of thought. Our child came with hard earned effort, and it is not just some project that we have to submit. And not forgetting that, a public holiday to me means more family time with the working daddy. 

Being a mummy is a role in my life, like being a filial daughter and a virture wife. It is definitely not a job. We can change jobs whenever we want. But if we treat being a mother is a job, won't that make life difficult for ourselves? 

And of course, daddy plays a very important role. If there is no support from the daddy to the mummy, the mummy will just feel depressed. Why are we mummies trying so hard to be there for our children and yet the daddies just come home from work each day, play with the children, then off to do their own stuff and rest? Daddies have to try to help out in some way or another. Even small little things matter. Daddies have to learn to take care of their children by themselves too. Being too reliant on the mummies doesn't give daddies the real joy of being a dad. It's all about being patient and getting used to it. Which child doesn't cry, make a fuss, throw temper? Adults do that too. 

I am just glad that I have a really good hubby, who is supportive and we have the same set of thinking when it comes to children's education. And I am glad to be born by my parents as I am being brought up in an environment that attributes to my thinking and sense of responsibility. 

I hope this thought doesn't change as I progresses to be a full time mummy, especially with my short temper and lack of patience. I love my new upcoming role. I look forward to it.  

11 days to week 40.